dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
