dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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