a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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