YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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