i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize