just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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