he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
this hospital has no fireball
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
