Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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