he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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