the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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