you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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