I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
