Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
