Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
