so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
