piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
