so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
