it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
