dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
