I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
