Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
