I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't deserve a penis
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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