Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize