ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
