just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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