honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
