i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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