OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
