I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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