You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
