Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
