Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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