like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
