hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
