I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
