i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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