The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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