walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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