people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
