That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
