I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
