I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
