I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
