you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We are all done wearing pants today
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
