your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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