i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
