I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
