The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
