Jerry, you need to find god
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
