I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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