u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
