I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
