Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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