My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cut my penus on the lid.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
