I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
