Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
