She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
