you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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