this beer tastes like vomit already
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
