ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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