well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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