i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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