: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
