Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
