I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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