Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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