His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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