Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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