i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
