Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize