Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
