i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
