babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize