Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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