it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
