I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
