Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
