I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
