i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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