fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
