we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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