Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You ruined the universe
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
