is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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