How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
