The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
