we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize