i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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