tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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