I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
