She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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