dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
